Introductions

"Hello my name is Jen and I'm addicted to shopping"

I am starting this blog in an effort to change. My life is comfortable and happy bar this shameful secret.
This weekend I confessed all to my husband, who wasn't exactly surprised by my admissions but is I think surprised that I'm identifying as an addict.

Addict is the correct word to describe me. I fixate on a particular product and enjoy researching it online, could be a handbag, a brand of makeup or a tent, I'm a unilateral shopper! Take last weekend for example, I had decided that we needed to replace our family tent with a canvas bell tent and so I joined fora and researched the different options even emailing the two main suppliers to negotiate a discount for buying a tent, carpet and inner tent in one fell swoop.....BONKERS! Our tent is fine and is less than two years old and yet I was nano seconds away from ordering £700 worth of camping kit on a CC with 16% interest.

I get excited during the research phase, thrilled at making a choice, exhilarated when I make the purchase and glowy for the rest of the day. Then I wake up the next morning and feel sick and ashamed. I lie to the people closest to me about what things have cost or where I have bought them. I hoard things away and never use them So yes, I am an addict and my addiction negatively affects my family and relationships.

My husband is being amazingly understanding as he said "it's only money and we have been here before" which made me cry because yes we have been here before, I'm 35 and have consistently overspent for the last 17 years.
We have remortgaged the house twice to pay off credit card bills and yet here I am again looking at a CC bill for about £7k, I'm too scared to open my post and I daren't do the maths on how much I owe in total to storecards, overdraft etc.

I can afford to repay the minimum each month, but realistically will be paying for this addiction for the rest of my life :(
There's no point in beating myself up about past behaviour, I just have to make a change today and every day from now on not to buy "stuff". I do it because I like how it makes me feel, I like having aspirational brand skincare, I like having a lovely handbag, I like getting books from Amazon, I like downloading from itunes. My favourite purchases are faceless cyber transactions made in a single click, I'm an ebuying junkie with no self control.

Obviously this all stems from a pretty obvious self esteem issue and I buy stuff that I think will make me popular or at least earn admiring glances from afar, but honestly I'd rather be debt free.